The past few days have been hard... I'm not sure if its because the day Ann Marie and Amelia left and me being scatter brained and dumb missing our last goodbyes... or because my other half is leaving the country in two short days for two long years, and I might not be here when he comes back...
Whatever reason, if I could have the last few moments back, these are the things and words I would not leave until we meet again.
For Ann Marie: My beautiful longest friend. My best friend. I would have appologized for the way I've acted these past couple of months. everytime we had plans, I would either get called into work, or get caught up at something at home. I wouldn't make it as big of deal as I should have. I didn't think how this change of plans would make her feel. And this, is not how best friends treat each other. If I could go back, to how things were, to when I had my best friend 4 minutes away, I would stop by more often. visit her at work and bring her treats. I wouldn't hesitate when I was going home from work to give her a call just to talk on the ride home. I would say thank you more, and I would bring her more treats :) I would stop by her work more just to suprise her and I would enjoy the times when we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted :) i would watch more grey's anatomy and giggle and squiel as Jack would run down to save Rose. i would reminise more on how we used to swim in our undies and jam out to backstreet boys. i'd let her have nick carter for her boyfriend a few times and i'd give her that vase we painted hahaha :) your my person ;)
For AJB: my AMAZINGLY TALENTED best friend and neighbor :] I would've stopped by more often and i would've invited her over too. i would've planned that double date we had been talking about since sophomore year! I would tell her thank you for being different and showing me that its okay to be yourself because you find your best friends that way! i'd tell her thanks for always supporting me, even if sometimes she knew that i was just being a dumb high school girl haha. I'd tell her thank you for her advice. I would make sure we did more things like sit in a swimming pool on the tramp on hot days! i would tell her that NO MATTER WHAT! i would always be there to listen to her even when her parents and siblings weren't. i'd say sorry agian for convincing her that asking caulin to the dance was a good idea hahahaha ;) i'd tell her that her dancing inspires me! and it makes me want to tell the world that i know someone who can express every emotion in the most beautiflu way! we would do the quarter pounder with cheese challenge more and go for long drives all day long like we did when she first got her car. :) For David: thank you David... i don't even know where to start with you kiddo... i'd tell him thank you for texting me that very first time. thank you for not being offended when i was mean to you after you texted me. Thank you for coming to every lacrosse game i had, even when i wouldn't tell him i had one ;) I would thank him for opening EVERY DOOR no matter where we were or what we were doing. i would thank him for being kind and understanding and for being open with me.
i would thank him for telling me straight up about everything that i wanted to know. and for still loving me after i got mad at him for his mistakes.I would thank him for loving my friends and wanting the best for them because they meant a lot to me, even when they didn't like him. I wouldn't have gotten irritated with him giving me little kisses everytime i'd give him a funny look or say something clever ;) haha i would kiss him back and enjoy every one of them i got because i miss them so much :( I would tell him thank you for loving me. thank you for loving me when i was sick and throwing up and didn't have any make up on. thank him for loving me when i was mean and didn't know if i could love someone with his background. thank him for loving me when i was all dressed up and pretty or when i was in sweats with my hair in a knot ontop of my head. i'd tellhim i'm so proud of the person he's become. and i KNOW! he's out there being amazing. i'd tell him I Love Him with all my heart. and that I want more than anything to be here for him when he gets back.Unfourtunatly: these fabulous people... who have changed my life and impacted me so much that i get all teary thinking i didn't give them enough recognition.. they are gone.
i have however learned from this mistake i made. i've learned that you have to enjoy, every minute you have with people you love. even when your irritated with them. i learned that making time, even if its a few minutes, makes a difference. so my dear friends, i'm going to do better. from now on i'm changing. i'm making time. and hopefully, one day it will make up for my absense...
love lex
