Off to be an AGGIE!

Well, this past Saturday was one for the books, I moved out for the very first time in my life! ALL BY MYSELF! ha how crazy is that!? well, I guess considering that I'll be 20 in a week, it was about time!

The new place is quite nice! I really enjoy it a lot! It's going to be weird not having anyone tell me what to do though. I get into these weird moods when things change in a big way, or when I can feel a change coming. I will get all deep and start summing up my entire life! It starts to stress me out, so I blog! haha so here are my compiling thoughts all word vomited up in this post!

I'm the BOSS

what the!? I feel like this will be the weirdest adjustment for this next year for me. I love my parents so much and as this moving out process has come about they have been so much help and offered me so many words of advice that I have really taken to heart.  They have always been there through the good and the bad, OBVIOUSLY! ha they are my parents and i've come to realize they want the best for me! Even though they were always there though, I still had rules and guidelines to follow that they have set down. "do the dishes" "clean your room" "be home around 1" "don't drive too fast" "we don't approve of this person" "eat your veggies" haha (kidding i love veggies!) either way! there have always been those "suggestions" we will call them! they have been fantastic at teaching me consequences as well to all those "suggestions" if anyone knew me in high school you'd understand because I was ALWAYS grounded for being 16 minutes late, or not having a clean room. so between my parents rules, and having at least 2 jobs since i was 16, I've always just had someone to tell me what to do! then my first night alone came around, all settled into my room and BOOM! no one could tell me I couldn't leave after 1 o'clock. no one could tell me I had to brush my teeth. no one is going to tell me when how or where i have to study! ha its just a weird empowering feeling I guess. and hopefully i don't have to experience any consequences that are too harsh! (p.s. I like brushing my teeth and my parents haven't had to tell me to do that for a while... haha)

Who I am

Okay, ready for the extra cheese portion of this post!? I sure hope so, because here it goes! I was raised LDS from the time I was born. I have lived in Utah my entire life and in Bountiful at that! EVERYONE here it seems like is LDS or has some sort of religion in their life. They know who Christ is and the general idea of everything I believe. Now, I am one of the least judgmental  people I know. Or at least I think I am? I understand that there are all different walks of life and if anything that's what I've come to find out this year is not everyone is from this bubble I grew up in. (weird I know) ;)  and I respect that! Its so amazing for me to think about all the different stories there are in this world! 6 billion different ones! and mine is just one, and that I can have any sort of roll in anyone else story is so cool to me! But when I was sitting here the other night, it really hit me! I can change someone's story. I can be that good influence that helped them study or that was their friend when they were alone. I am in a completely new place where not a lot of people know me, and I want to make the best of that! This year I want to be able to be a stronger person and be and example of Christ. I'm not saying by any stretch of the imagination that I'm a missionary, or I'm trying to convert people to be a "mormon" no. not at all. everyone has their own freedom and right to what ever they want to believe! i love it! so what i mean by example of Christ, is go about doing good, helping others and reaching out to people who may be too shy or not included. If they'd like to know about my religion, GREAT! but more so, I'd just like to be a good friend and good person to people! and I'm excited for a fresh start with everyone to do that with!

The Roomies

Well, here we go! I've never been super close to girls. There are a only a handful of girls that I can say that I'm good/close friends with. I get along with them just fine! I just understand boys a lot better! So living with 7 other girls for 9 months should be a feat in itself! I'm quite excited and if you ask me I think I got paired up with My roommate just perfectly! I've only spent 2 days with her so far, but she seems preeety daaarn cool! I'm so excited to get to know all of my girls and learn more about their lives!

SO! after that lengthy post, the point is simple! I'M SO EXCITED for this next year! there isn't anywhere I'd rather be and I can't wait for all the experiences i get to have! GO AGGIES!

The Hump

One year ago from tomorrow I sent my best friend out into the mission field. While so many things have changed while he has been away, one thing has stayed the same...
the love and respect I have for him.

If you follow this blog (which I only update every couple of months) you will know all my sappy things i have to say about this amazing boy, but today I'd like to share something a little different about what I have come to realize and learn this past week.

The love that David and I had for each other, isn't an easy one. It hurt at times and has made me grow in ways i didn't realize people had to grow. Its made me realize my potential and everything that I can "one day" have. But through having the taste of this privilege of such an unselfish love... I've been able to recognize it in others as well. Which is what i will talk about mostly...

Tonight I got to hang out with my best friend in the whole world, Amelia. Like i've said in previous posts, AJB is that one person I can go to with ANYTHING I have on my plate at the time, and just spill my gutts to. She's never the person to point a finger, or tell me everything I've done wrong. She's never the one to get mad at me if I'm too busy to call or text her for 2 weeks and understands what it's like to be as busy as I've become. Our lifestyles are very much the same in a different way which i believe has helped us to be able to understand eachother best.

Well readers, my little Amelia has got a new boy (new-ish its been a couple months) and when my close friends get "new boys" I always get very protective, but more so with Mill Ba Dill because if you know me, any guy I've tried to set her up with always ends up going terribly wrong. So when she finds one on her own, that "new boy" now has the responsibility of making up for every wrong boy that I've set her up with AND has to make her super happy like a "new boy" should. But tonight I realized something... this "new boy" she's found... he isn't just some boy to pick up some slack, and he's not a make out buddy or booty call for her... he's her David. After having a reasonably bummer of a day, her boy texted me and made sure I was alright, he comforted me and told me everything would work out. He cared about my welfare because he knew how important it was to Mill and he took it to heart by not only taking care of her but caring for me as well.

Being able to watch them together this past week has made me not only feel so much joy for my best friend, being able to see how happy she's been not only with "new boy" but with just life in general. But it has also made me appreciate and renew the absence I feel for David.

They have the same kind of love that He and I had. The kind of love that you don't have to even know the person they are dating to know that they are completely happy. Its the kind of love that makes you want to wake up a little earlier in the morning just so you can tell that person "good morning handsome i love you! i hope you have an amazing day!" first.
It's the kind of love that you miss them even when they are only 15 minutes away and where even though you saw them 12 hours ago you get butterflies in your stomach when they tell you they are "on their way!" to come see you again. This week has made me miss so much the only person that has ever made me feel 100% wanted all of the time and 100% loved no matter what I looked like, what I was wearing and how bad i smelt. ;)

So on this 1 year mark of David being gone, I'd like to take a moment and thank not only him for showing me how unselfish true love is. But thank my forever best friend, for once AGAIN showing and reminding me that life can be so good and great, and that I have someone out there (2.969.9 miles away ;)) who wants the very best for me, and is willing to do anything to make that happen.

I'm SO SO SO grateful for Amelia and Andrew today. Thank you so much you two for jogging my memory about the perfect boy I sent out. I wish you two the best of luck and I love you both! 

As for Elder Burrahm, I love him today just as much as I did a year ago. I'm so proud of how much work he has done and the growth he's been able to experience. I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for both of us, whether we end up together or not, I can't wait to have my best friend back safe and sound at home. 12 more months let the countdown begin :)

So my friends. Here's to another year of experience for all of us! Be Safe and until next time, Love your lives! :)

thanks for the memories

I happened upon this little saying on pinterest (of course) and I realized why these past couple of months have felt almost empty! Because all these wonderful people who I've had the opportunity to meet, have made such strong impressions on my life that doing things without them now leaves a sense of longing and emptiness to simple things that you wouldn't normally think about. Two of them have been crossing my mind a lot lately because I find that as it comes time to start growing up there isn't anyone I would rather talk to for comfort and advice as much as these two wonderful elders :)

 If you've read any of my previous posts, you will know about the boy who changed it all for me. Elder Burrahm and I had the most amazing adventures! :) when I say adventures though, I'm not saying we were always out doing something crazy, like water parks, boating, hiking. you know.. adventurous things! Those things all happened, and were fantastic, yes, but it was the small and simple things that were our most memorable adventures! Whenever we would drive in the car we would listen to this playlist of music that we had collected between the 2 of us and if there was a new song that the other didn't know, we would listen to it over and over until we could both belt the whole song! haha Or we would try to be "do gooders" haha that's what we would call it on days when life was slow and easy, and we would ask our parents or my grandparents if they needed any help. whether that mean in the yard, to run to the store, or to just hang out and talk with them! It was the simple things that helped us get to know each other and eventually love each other so much! Now, when I find myself driving around in my car with the music on I miss turning to my passenger's side and seeing my best friends smiling face with a hand held out waiting for mine. Now, when I go to the store and see someone With their bum hanging out I want to take a creepy phone picture and send it to this awesome friend, but he's gone...

     Summer is in the air as I'm actually laying on my hammock under the stars writing this! Its such an amazing night! It actually brought me back to one night that started one of the best friendships I have had and safely say will ever have! It was almost the start of our sophomore year and I was bored one sunday night after my cousins had gone home and decided to text this boy who was friends with a boy that i liked. This fella had been in the same school as me since elementary school and I never thought he knew who I was until his best friend and I developed a crush on each other. This boy, came over and we talked until 1 in the morning! (for a sophomore that's pretty dang late!) haha from there on out our friendship grew stronger and stronger. we had each others' backs and would ALWAYS be honest. We became famous for deep talks that would extend to all hours of the night. We talked about everything, the future, our families, our friends that we were worried about, sports were always likened to life because of our passion for them. But at the end of every night, we would always end up talking about religion and how lucky we were to have the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives. This Boy became more than just a friend to me, he became a part of my family. He was there through thick and thin, always wise and ready to give advice. But when he didn't know what to say, I could always count on him for the most comforting hug i could ever ask for. This boy is my dear friend Rich Gautavai, who is currently serving an LDS mission in Milwaukee Wisconsin and doing an amazing job! I'm so proud of him for the strong person he's becoming, even more wise than I thought a 19 year old boy could be. So at the start of this summer, I find myself missing the council and the comfort of my big friend. I miss laying on the woody blanket in the grass and watching the stars as we talked about all of the options our lives had!

 So to my Two amazing friends who are out in the mission field right now, I would just like to say thank you for helping me appreciate the small things that I have in my life. Thank you for making such awesome memories with me and for never taking me for granted. Thank you for fighting for our friendship even when life wanted us to part ways. I love you both and know you're where your supposed to be. Your both such good examples to me and i'm so blessed to have been able to become so close with each of you :) 

    

Realizing Mistakes

Like I said in my last post, this last month and a half has been such a huge turning point/growing experience for me. I've learned so much about myself and about who I want to become. As I've had the opportunity to have the time to think about the things in life that truly matter it came to my attention that I might've offended people that I never would've thought I did as well close friends. 

Now, I realize many of you may or may not know me personally, but I would never want to be the cause of someone's discomfort, heartache, worry, or irritation. I feel like if I have a problem with someone I would like them to be able to talk to them about it. whether that mean it be in person, over the phone, skype, text, facebook ANYTHING! I would just want to resolve things. People are what matter. I've come to realize that everyone has their own challenges and are fighting their own battles. Life isn't just about the things happening TO me or around me. And if my actions, words or influence have ever put someone in a place that they feel their integrity, values, or self worth were ever at stake... I want to sincerely apologize. 

I'm grateful for the things that I've been able to learn and I hope its not too late to be able to fix things. I understand 100% if others are not able to forgive me for my actions. I take full responsibility and I can only hope that if anyone has a problem they will be willing to contact me and allow me to fix my mistakes. 

But as for now, life is beautiful and I'm so blessed to be living it! :)

The New Perspective

These past couple of weeks have been really exciting, scary, heartbreaking, fun and strange but most of all they have been a HUGE eye opener to me. 

If you've read previous posts you may see that I've been kind of a downer! I felt bad about my situation, my love life, my lack of a love life, not being able to go to school, my friends moving away etc etc. all these "terrible" things that have happened to me and I felt like I had no control.

Through these last weeks however, I've come to find a new perspective on my life! Because it's too short!! I had a huge slap in the face to wake up and enjoy every moment I get to breathe! I'm healthy, my family loves me, I have a house to live in, a brain in my head and my WHOLE LIFE ahead of me! :) 

But these realizations didn't just come, it wasn't a big boom everything is fixed, because its not. in fact its getting harder! What did change, was my decision to take control of the little things that I can. Elder Holland has this awesome quote from a talk that he gave at a BYU devotional a while back, but as soon as I read it, it stuck!

"the future is something that must be vigorously fought for, it won't just happen to your advantage."

this hit me so hard! I had been in a boat for the past 6 months going down a river with no control of which way I went. and Elder Holland's quote just helped me pick up the flippin oar that was sitting right beside me the entire time. So I started paddling my way through this rocky river. I changed 10 simple things in my life and I feel happier than ever! 

1. Got another job and started saving every penny I've earned to pay for school in the fall. 

2. Declared my major and set up a 5 year plan for my schooling.

3. Started reading my scriptures every night after I had prayed and looked for an answer to a question.

(the answer hasn't always come, but it's helped me to study the words harder and look for a meaning)

4. Started getting up early to read scriptures with my family

5. Looked for 10 things everyday that I was happy about

6. Put myself back on a the work out schedule I was on when I swam in high school.

7. Made an effort to meet new people.

8. Kept my room clean.

(it made my mom happy and gave me a quiet place to think)

9. Let people I care about know that I did. 

(simple text, a note left, small service acts like cookies or a made bed, or dishes when it wasn't my night)

10. Woke up with the WILL to change how my life was going everyday and promised myself I wouldn't get back in bed that night until I had done something kind for someone else or taken a step closer to my brighter future.

10 steps might seem like a lot, but they become easier after the first week or so. My problem earlier on wasn't that things weren't going my way, but that I was, like Elder Holland states, just hoping for the future to fall into place in at my advantage. 

I'm not saying life has gotten any easier, less scary, frustrating or calm. But I've realized that it never will, things are going to keep coming 1million miles an hour and so I made a game plan to catch them. I gave the Lord a chance to whisper advice to me and to help me succeed. I looked outward instead of being so selfish and only focusing on how my life was going. 

So! that is the key to my new perspective! I hope I can keep it up! And if anyone is having a hard time with their life, my advice to you would be stand up, dust off  your knees and realize your not alone, that you can do it! :)