Realizing Mistakes

Like I said in my last post, this last month and a half has been such a huge turning point/growing experience for me. I've learned so much about myself and about who I want to become. As I've had the opportunity to have the time to think about the things in life that truly matter it came to my attention that I might've offended people that I never would've thought I did as well close friends. 

Now, I realize many of you may or may not know me personally, but I would never want to be the cause of someone's discomfort, heartache, worry, or irritation. I feel like if I have a problem with someone I would like them to be able to talk to them about it. whether that mean it be in person, over the phone, skype, text, facebook ANYTHING! I would just want to resolve things. People are what matter. I've come to realize that everyone has their own challenges and are fighting their own battles. Life isn't just about the things happening TO me or around me. And if my actions, words or influence have ever put someone in a place that they feel their integrity, values, or self worth were ever at stake... I want to sincerely apologize. 

I'm grateful for the things that I've been able to learn and I hope its not too late to be able to fix things. I understand 100% if others are not able to forgive me for my actions. I take full responsibility and I can only hope that if anyone has a problem they will be willing to contact me and allow me to fix my mistakes. 

But as for now, life is beautiful and I'm so blessed to be living it! :)

The New Perspective

These past couple of weeks have been really exciting, scary, heartbreaking, fun and strange but most of all they have been a HUGE eye opener to me. 

If you've read previous posts you may see that I've been kind of a downer! I felt bad about my situation, my love life, my lack of a love life, not being able to go to school, my friends moving away etc etc. all these "terrible" things that have happened to me and I felt like I had no control.

Through these last weeks however, I've come to find a new perspective on my life! Because it's too short!! I had a huge slap in the face to wake up and enjoy every moment I get to breathe! I'm healthy, my family loves me, I have a house to live in, a brain in my head and my WHOLE LIFE ahead of me! :) 

But these realizations didn't just come, it wasn't a big boom everything is fixed, because its not. in fact its getting harder! What did change, was my decision to take control of the little things that I can. Elder Holland has this awesome quote from a talk that he gave at a BYU devotional a while back, but as soon as I read it, it stuck!

"the future is something that must be vigorously fought for, it won't just happen to your advantage."

this hit me so hard! I had been in a boat for the past 6 months going down a river with no control of which way I went. and Elder Holland's quote just helped me pick up the flippin oar that was sitting right beside me the entire time. So I started paddling my way through this rocky river. I changed 10 simple things in my life and I feel happier than ever! 

1. Got another job and started saving every penny I've earned to pay for school in the fall. 

2. Declared my major and set up a 5 year plan for my schooling.

3. Started reading my scriptures every night after I had prayed and looked for an answer to a question.

(the answer hasn't always come, but it's helped me to study the words harder and look for a meaning)

4. Started getting up early to read scriptures with my family

5. Looked for 10 things everyday that I was happy about

6. Put myself back on a the work out schedule I was on when I swam in high school.

7. Made an effort to meet new people.

8. Kept my room clean.

(it made my mom happy and gave me a quiet place to think)

9. Let people I care about know that I did. 

(simple text, a note left, small service acts like cookies or a made bed, or dishes when it wasn't my night)

10. Woke up with the WILL to change how my life was going everyday and promised myself I wouldn't get back in bed that night until I had done something kind for someone else or taken a step closer to my brighter future.

10 steps might seem like a lot, but they become easier after the first week or so. My problem earlier on wasn't that things weren't going my way, but that I was, like Elder Holland states, just hoping for the future to fall into place in at my advantage. 

I'm not saying life has gotten any easier, less scary, frustrating or calm. But I've realized that it never will, things are going to keep coming 1million miles an hour and so I made a game plan to catch them. I gave the Lord a chance to whisper advice to me and to help me succeed. I looked outward instead of being so selfish and only focusing on how my life was going. 

So! that is the key to my new perspective! I hope I can keep it up! And if anyone is having a hard time with their life, my advice to you would be stand up, dust off  your knees and realize your not alone, that you can do it! :) 

 

 

the "bar"

So, for some time now, i've been telling people that Elder David Aaron Burrahm has set "the Bar" very high in my book. But the thought just crossed me, what exactly is "the bar"!? well boys and girls here we go. here is what David Burrahm did, that no one else has. (yet)

Rung 1: GREAT first impression, gratitude for the other party travels far with this girl :)

EXAMPLE:When David and I first met, that very first night, he called me right after, i'm talking on the 5 minute drive home and do you want to know what he said? something along the lines of
"i don't know about you, but i can't stop smiling, i haven't been this excited about someone for a really long time. and i LOVED (in david voice) how you were wearing sweats and you hair was all pulled up! i think this is the begining of a beautiful friendship"
he showed me that he had a good time by calling.

Rung 2: Cut the Jr. High crap and talk

EXAMPLE: When someone gives you their number, obviously they want to talk to you! DUH! you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out. and David did just that. he talked to me. wether it was a phone call, a text, a goofy facebook wall post. he communicated! it wasn't the stupid "rule" of okay... well she texted me 4 minutes ago... and i have my reply all ready to go. but i'm not going to send it for another 7 minutes so i don't look like i'm just sitting here waiting for her texts.
for anyone out there still doing that. come on now, get over yourself. If you don't want to talk to the person straight up tell them. but if you do! then TALK TO THEM!

Rung 3: Just being straight up classy.

EXAMPLE: David Burrahm might be one of the classiest people I know.
the first time he talked to me, he started of with saying
"hey Lexi, this is David, I honestly couldn't take my eyes off of you the other night you looked so amazing! i hope this doesn't creep you out but i would like to get to know you and take you on a date? if you'd let me:)"
 not "oh hey girl, i thought you looked good the other night we should hang out."
(aka: hey girl, you look easy enough, I'd be down to get on you)
 he didn't pull they
 "hey whats up" card (aka: i want to talk to you. but only long enough for me to know your first name and if your a good kisser or not)
 he pulled the classy i would really like it if i could take you on a date. and then SHOCKER!!! he did it! he planned a date with me that tuesday! it was simple fun and cheap and it didn't involve a movie at someone's house, or "watching the stars" we went bowling, on a hike and it was followed up with ice cream that led to a very solid, intelligent conversation all while giving me silly little compliments. (which may not seem like a big deal, but feeling like a million bucks at the end of a night is never a let down)
Now for the end of the night- he gave me a hug. not one of those lingering ones that makes it awkward and there's that moment in you mind where you have to figure out which way your going to duck out of the attempted kiss. no. it was a good hug, followed by yet more compliments and a very sincere thank you.
SIDENOTE: the dates continued. just because we became best friends and would hang out all the time didn't mean that i was any less important on his list of priorities. He would still organize actual dates. wether they would be small and simple, or fancy and exciting. the dates didn't stop just because we saw each other more.

Rung 4:R.E.S.P.E.C.T.- i knew exactly what it meant to him!

EXAMPLE: I opened my door twice for myself the entire time I was with David. My standards were never comprimised because he knew where i stood and becasue he respected me he didn't push it. He made an effort with my parents because he knew how much it meant to me. it wasn't that he told me he respected me, it was that he showed  me he did.

And so i've come to the conclusion!! unless you are going to try to hurdle this bar, I probably shouldn't waste my time with you... which might sound bad, but hey, why take a step down fromsomething so good!? :)

words left unsaid.

The past few days have been hard... I'm not sure if its because the day Ann Marie and Amelia left and me being scatter brained and dumb missing our last goodbyes... or because my other half is leaving the country in two short days for two long years, and I might not be here when he comes back...

Whatever reason, if I could have the last few moments back, these are the things and words I would not leave until we meet again.

For Ann Marie:  My beautiful longest friend. My best friend. I would have appologized for the way I've acted these past couple of months. everytime we had plans, I would either get called into work, or get caught up at something at home. I wouldn't make it as big of deal as I should have. I didn't think how this change of plans would make her feel. And this, is not how best friends treat each other. If I could go back, to how things were, to when I had my best friend 4 minutes away, I would stop by more often. visit her at work and bring her treats. I wouldn't hesitate when I was going home from work to give her a call just to talk on the ride home. I would say thank you more, and I would bring her more treats :) I would stop by her work more just to suprise her and I would enjoy the times when we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted :) i would watch more grey's anatomy and giggle and squiel as Jack would run down to save Rose.  i would reminise more on how we used to swim in our undies and jam out to backstreet boys. i'd let her have nick carter for her boyfriend a few times and i'd give her that vase we painted hahaha :) your my person ;)

For AJB: my AMAZINGLY TALENTED best friend and neighbor :] I would've stopped by more often and i would've invited her over too. i would've planned that double date we had been talking about since sophomore year! I would tell her thank you for being different and showing me that its okay to be yourself because you find your best friends that way! i'd tell her thanks for always supporting me, even if sometimes she knew that i was just being a dumb high school girl haha. I'd tell her thank you for her advice. I would make sure we did more things like sit in a swimming pool on the tramp on hot days! i would tell her that NO MATTER WHAT! i would always be there to listen to her even when her parents and siblings weren't. i'd say sorry agian for convincing her that asking caulin to the dance was a good idea hahahaha ;)  i'd tell her that her dancing inspires me! and it makes me want to tell the world that i know someone who can express every emotion in the most beautiflu way! we would do the quarter pounder with cheese challenge more and go for long drives all day long like we did when she first got her car. :)

 For David: thank you David... i don't even know where to start with you kiddo... i'd tell him thank you for texting me that very first time. thank you for not being offended when i was mean to you after you texted me. Thank you for coming to every lacrosse game i had, even when i wouldn't tell him i had one ;) I would thank him for opening EVERY DOOR no matter where we were or what we were doing. i would thank him for being kind and understanding and for being open with me.

i would thank him for telling me straight up about everything that i wanted to know. and for still loving me after i got mad at him for his mistakes.I would thank him for loving my friends and wanting the best for them because they meant a lot to me, even when they didn't like him. I wouldn't have gotten irritated with him giving me little kisses everytime i'd give him a funny look or say something clever ;) haha i would kiss him back and enjoy every one of them i got because i miss them so much :( I would tell him thank you for loving me. thank you for loving me when i was sick and throwing up and didn't have any make up on. thank him for loving me when i was mean and didn't know if i could love someone with his background. thank him for loving me when i was all dressed up and pretty or when i was in sweats with my hair in a knot ontop of my head. i'd tellhim i'm so proud of the person he's become. and i KNOW! he's out there being amazing. i'd tell him I Love Him with all my heart. and that I want more than anything to be here for him when he gets back.

Unfourtunatly: these fabulous people... who have changed my life and impacted me so much that i get all teary thinking i didn't give them enough recognition.. they are gone.

i have however learned from this mistake i made. i've learned that you have to enjoy, every minute you have with people you love. even when your irritated with them. i learned that making time, even if its a few minutes, makes a difference. so my dear friends, i'm going to do better. from now on i'm changing. i'm making time. and hopefully, one day it will make up for my absense...

love lex

hello's [goodbyes] FRUIT shopping, these things-->[ ] and Max's Mullet

Goodbyes: two and a half weeks ago my best friend left on his mission to El Salvador (Santa Ana/Belize) i was pretty much devistated, someone I had talked to everyday for 7 months... gone. on top of that, my bestest friend of 18 YEARS went off to college 8 days later, its about 5 hours away...... SO! these are my adventures in the meantime! :)

Hello's: So the day David left, I was flustered to say the least... but don't fear! Ann Marie was here! we were just strollin along and saw our dream car! so... we pulled over asked how much it was, took it for a test drive, and within the hour I had bought myself a 1999 VW Beetle... HELLO FREEDOM/DISTRACTION!

I also met a new friend! 2ed day of college and boom! friend, his name is Austin, he served a mission in Toronto Canada... strange. but hey! new friend?! cool beans.

fruitshopping:  Now that my buds are all away, I spend most of my time with the Fam Damily... yup. We usually do fun things, last night my mom and I went to see CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE , i thought it was very good! but some days (like today) we make raspberry jam :] yuuuum. others, I just hang with my Ginger Sister and shop for fruit and stuff. It's pretty much the life :)

these things--> [ ]

I do not know why, but i just really like these little bracket things! they just add to your writing i think, they make titles look cooler, smilies look not entirely happy but more of a grin then a toothy smile, and i just really like them. :] this is all.

Max's [mul]let...

I have a brother named Max... he is also a ginger... Max, and his friends are deciding to grow a mullet out during the football season. so here is my plan:

I'm going to convince Max to keep it longer than all his friends... i'm shooting for january.. ish! I'll keep updates!